Happy Mothers Day from your favourite restaurant….

Mothers Day, Valentine’s Day, Fathers Day, Easter Sunday and all the other “days” when it is more symbolic to get together with those closest to you (or failing them being available, family instead!). Why not visit my restaurant. It’s a good restaurant, normally. The menu is vast, the food good, service not bad and prices reasonable. Come on Mother’s Day and all that will change. First of all we will get rid of the vast menu and devise a set menu with a handful of starters, mains and deserts. Apparently our chefs can cope with a full restaurant on a normal Saturday night vast menu, but not on Mothers Day! As well as a set menu, we will also increase the price. You might get a selection of starters, your main and sides: and a pudding for £20 a head normally but today it’s £28.99 set menu per person. I don’t care if you don’t like a new World Rose and would prefer a beer. The Rose is on the set menu so you will have it and pay for it! I know our haddock fish cakes are a divine starter but I’m afraid it’s just the soup tonight. Oh, and don’t expect the service either. Our waiters can cope with a full restaurant on a busy Saturday night but not on Mothers Day. We will take an eternity to take your order, take a longer eternity to bring your drinks but bring your starter straight away because it’s soup out of a can because we are too stressed to make our normal homemade soup. The gap between starter and mains will give you chance to read War and Peace. Please don’t ask the waitress when your mains will arrive because they are too busy and will quite rightly snarl at you on this special day. Your mains will be cold giving our waiters another chance to give you evils for daring to complain. The food won’t be as thoughtfully prepared as on a normal day even though it’s the same chefs. Once you are halfway through your pudding we will need to rush you along for the next group because we just want your money on days like today. And you better leave a tip you ungrateful bastards. Our staff have worked so hard to make your special day! 

 The adverts you don’t see in the run up to Mothers Day 

 All this can be avoided by going the day before or the day after Mothers Day!

T

his is why I’m too scared to take the plunge and dine out for Christmas dinner. 

How many would be regular customers must restaurants lose after “special days”? Trip Advisor goes wild!

I will be sticking to McDonalds on Mothers Day where you are guaranteed the same consistently bad service 364 days a year! 

P

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